little is actually known about
the mothership, but there has been much
speculation. this is a summation of that
speculative thought.
• the frictionless silver paint
• the invisible paint
• the funk
• the black goo
• the snowflake
• the probe receptacle
• will only the silvers be summoned?
• helpful music & movies
• music that is not helpful
• the intellectual implications
• nb's actually look like the mothership
• the role of "punchbuggy"
• which os does the mothership run on?
will it survive y2k and make it to r2k?
the frictionless silver paint
speculation about the rarity of silver pods kind of got things started.
From: Lisa Linn [lisa@wnt.sas.com]
Well, as we all know, the silver bugs are the ones that were reverse
engineered from UFO technology. So they are, of course, better and faster
than the rest. But why the silver? Why shouldn't all the bugs benefit from
this advanced technology?
Because it's in the paint.
See, the silver paint is actually frictionless. Of course, this means that
the silver paint was quite expensive to develop. VW knows that the average
consumer cannot absorb the cost of this technology on their own. So they
use it on only 3% of all NB's, and the cost is distributed evenly to all NB
owners.
the invisible paint
From: David W. Allen [davida@airmail.net]
| See, the silver paint is actually frictionless.
They also developed a paint that absorbed light, which meant that the speed
of light barrier was no longer an obsticle. Problem was that once they
painted the car, they couldn't see it. there are rumored to be six of these
in Puebla, but they don't know where they are.
the funk
how could george clinton notbe involved?
I have been authorized by The Silver Station (the source of all true alien
power) to inform the humanoid organism quoted below that, upon arrival of
the Mothership at Roswell, he will be the first to receive "The Probe", then
left on Earth to be found by FBI with
"protruding evidence". All the rest of us, gas and TDIs alike, will be taken
to Getdownia, on the planet Bootzilla, to Shake That Thang for all Eternity,
just for the Funk of it. One Universe Under A New Beetle Groove. End of
Transmission.
Owl Berg & Bicho, Communications Vessel Class A, Silver Fleet.
>and 1.: while all of those silver gas beetle owners will be twiddling
>their thumbs while looking at the empty sky over Roswell next year, the
>Mothership will be using the TDi's onboard computer as a homing device to
>come to _us_, even though we could probably afford the fuel to drive
>across country to Roswell if necessary.
>Anthony
>true@nwe.ufl.edu
From: Anthony Rue [true@nwe.ufl.edu]
Yikes! I learn from Sir Owldevoidofunk that I'm first in line for an
alien probe at Roswell next year. Then I learn that August is using
alien/NSA/FBI technologies to monitor my every FAQy move. Next you'll be
be telling me that those black helecopters that fly around my part of town
are not there to report traffic conditions, or that the electrocardiograph
and retinal scan devices don't come as standard equipment on all yellow
GLS TDIs.
If you accept the Whole Universe Philosophy ("All New Beetles Are Created
Equal, and Performance Is Based On Driver-Capability"), you could escape
your lonely fate. Not all yellow GLS TDIs are equipped with this, only the
one clandestinely "modified" for the Probe-specimen. I see you fear the
Power of The Funk; do not Fear The Funk, Embrace the Funk. You are being
monitored by both cellestial and earthbound agencies. Join us in The One
NB-to-All-NB Equation, and your current nomenclature (Specimen A,
"wishin4funk") will be altered.
Owl Berg & Bicho
The Funk is Everywhere; you just have to look for it.
Owlberg & Bicho
the black goo
some nb "owners"* have seen greasy black goo dripping out of their doors on
very hot summer days. to watchers of the x-files, the implications are obvious:
From: Lisa Linn [lisa@wnt.sas.com]
oh, and if the greasy black stuff that is dripping out of your door tries to
crawl up your arm you might want to stay away from it.
the snowflake
vw has never provided a satisfying explanation of the snowflake
display's purpose.
to humans, it appears to light and dim randomly. many theories were
expounded and proved incorrect before the undisputably correct explanation
was hit upon:
Isn't it obvious?
The snowflake is to let the owner know that the mothership is calling. To
reply, simple push the volume knob on the radio in, this turns on the
transmitter function of the radio, and responds to the mothership on the
appropriate frequency. It doesn't matter what CD you're listening to, unless
it's Leonard Nimoy poetry or William Shattner ballads, which they've heard
before and now know to avoid.
Mike - "de Bug" W016451 MI License TDI BUG
some additional information on the snowflake has also been provided
by those members of the list most in touch with the mothership.
Stan Zakharenko
According to a classified source (I can not reveal it, because then I would
have kill everybody on the list, and that would be very difficult to do),
the snowflake is a sensor for unusual activity in the 7th dimension. Yes,
you've read right 7th, that's how far technology has come. Activity in that
dimension is sometimes related to temperature, but not necessarily. So if
you are trying to predict activity of the snowflake by the temperature, that
is your mistake right there. Hope this helps.
Stan Zakharenko
DO NOT DARE delete snowflake. It is the sacred sign of the mothership.
For those of us not so priveleged as to be one with the mothership already,
it's very difficult to know who is truly enlightened and who is not. this editor
does not know whom to believe in the following exchange, as not only has
she not yet learned to "see" the picture correctly, she does not yet have a
picture at all!
Fools!
I have temporarilily taken over the one referred to as "Spooky" to
inform you of the true meaning of your supposed 'snowflakes,' miserable
carbon bags! It shocks and amazes us that you have not deduced that it is
indeed the image of our beloved leader, Pfffffhzzzooo (pronounced "Jim"),
Captain, Regent, Grand Vizier, and all-around Table Tennis Champion of the
Mothership Sponto, which is the ship that will be in charge of probing all of
you next summer. The 'snowflake' is your cue to bow before him in his
Magnificence and Splendor and General Sauciness. Bow before him!
Yours Truly,
Gepodolus 21, the Many-Tailed One
Imperial Messenger, Lieutenant and Chef
MSF Sponto, Probing Flagship
Earth Quadrant
PS For those of you who have not yet learned to 'see' our pictures as we do,
the image is Pfffffhzzzooo at DisneyWorld in 1986. Note His Majesty's lovely
New Kids on the Block (our most effective and devious agents! All Hail!)
t-shirt.
You bounder, you cheat, you fake figurehead, deceitful dictator, fascist
junta, and overall downright naughty entity, you! Deception! Subterfuge! And
what's more, some untruths that are inaccurate and not altogether on the
"keeping it real" tip! That is CLEARLY, PLAINLY and MOST DISTINCTLY a Menudo
T-shirt, and quite decidedly NOT a garment from the NKOTB collection. FIE on
thee, one thousand times, thou misrepresenter of...um...y'know, stuff. The
True Funkological Mothership (from Getdownia, on the Planet Bootzilla, in
the Galaxy of Thang*) will deal with you probe-wise, for your <Jimmy
Swaggart> blasphemneh </Jimmy Swaggart>, you can be sure of that! Choosy
Funkophiles choose Truth brand Funk! Ask for it by name!
Owl Berg & "FIE-Master" Bicho
* see also the funk
the probe receptacle
vw claims it's a "tow hook cover"-- whatever.
I couldn't resist. I was in a parking lot yesterday and a couple were
admiring my NB. After asking the "regular" questions, they wanted to
know what the tow hook cover in the front bumper was. I very seriously
said " oh, that's the recepticle for the the probe from the Mothership".
I walked away. Looking back over my shoulder, I'm afraid they were
talking about me. Oh, well. Herb, 98NB, Newport Beach, CA
will only the silvers be summoned?
silver "owners"* say yes; others say all colors
are equal in the eyes of the
mothership.
as with all the information provided on this page,
we will have to wait until r2k to find out for certain.
helpful music & movies
From: KBLUV [kickboxingluv@earthling.net]
"Space Oddity/Ashes to Ashes" (David Bowie)
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" (aka "Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey" by Richard
Strauss)
"Homesick Subterranean Alien" (Radiohead)
"Saturn" (from "The Planets" by Gustav Holst; Isao Tomita: electronic
arrangement)
and plenty of selections from Brian Eno's soundtrack for the movie "For All
Mankind" (award-winning documentary on the Lunar Landing missions).
Over the weekend, I happened to watch a movie on cable called
"Starman" starring Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen. It is about an alien
life form that crash lands on Earth and transforms into a human (Jeff
Bridges). He initially kidnaps this woman (Karen Allen) (but later
she willingly stays with him) and they begin a cross country trip in a
mid '70s red Mustang II to Roswell to meet the mother ship. The movie
covers their travels across the country and their very brief love
affair. In the end, the alien returns to the mother ship which
arrives just in time to save him from being killed by the military.
Anyone contemplating the summer 2000 NB cruise to Roswell should
consider watching this movie ahead of time. Substitute the Mustang
for your NB and the actors for you and your spouse and there you have
it.
Vince
ps. I might add that the mother ship was SILVER.
music that is not helpful
see the snowflake.
the intellectual implications
From: Lisa Linn [lisa@wnt.sas.com]
man, american culture sure is weird. the whole worship of the vw/alien
fantasies/conspiracy theory/pagan resurrection/keroacian road trip
convergence is almost more than i can comprehend. in fact, it's so rich,
i'm thinking that i ought to make a low-end video documentary of the whole
experience so i can attempt to unpack it later with the assistance of
something slightly (but only slightly) more objective than memory.
anyway, sign me on. of course, my pod may still be imaginary at that point,
but that will be entirely appropriate. i can just add some tinfoil covered
curved pieces of chicken wire to my civic, attach some donuts to the
tailpipe and imagine the rest.
oh, and if the greasy black stuff that is dripping out of your door tries to
crawl up your arm you might want to stay away from it.
From: KBLUV [kickboxingluv@earthling.net]
At this point, a scholarly thesis would probably be feasable, and is
actually probably being compiled on some university campus somewhere. From
"The Odyssey", thru "The Divine Comedy", and all the way to
Kerouac's "On The Road" and up to (and including) "The X-Files", the whole
"pilgrimage to the Truth", either as existential "road trip", or as ongoing
unravelling of complex mysteries (a la Umberto Eco's "Foucalt's Pendulum" or
William Burroughs' "Western Lands" trilogy) has capitivated people since Day
One. I subscribe to the Fortean Times (a British magazine dedicated to
world-wide
reportage of "the unexplained", as defined by Charles Fort, a
nineteenth-century researcher of the bizarre and unusual),
and I have always been fascinated by how much we humans love to dwell on
what we apparently cannot explain
through logic and pure science, and how, when confronted with these, we
either turn to fantastic speculation and "alternate
sciences" (superstition, myths, urban legends, etc, or Alchemy, Hermetic
science, etc), or just good-old-fashioned
ritual (name the practice of your choice, from Christianity to Scientology).
I have always wanted to find that perfect
point between scholarship and ritual, between knowledge and intuition.
Robert Johnson (the ultimate intuitive blues-master)
called it The Crossroads, Rod Serling called it a land of both shadow and
substance (the Twilight Zone), but it always
seems to involve a journey of sorts. And I think, as motor vehicles offered
us the luxury of independent, individual travel
at a reasonably good clip, we naturally included our cars into the equation.
I think it's time for a modern reassesment
of the whole concept (maybe, yes, as an indie video documentary, something
which I was, ironically, considering starting
for Burning Man '99), especially in reference to our current means of
communication (that is to say, the Internet): has
our ability to communicate so quickly and efficiently with so many other
people changed our point of view regarding our
own personal pilgrimages? Are we more in tune with communal, dare I say,
multi-user journies now? Are events like
Burning Man, on one end of the spectrum, and say, the Promise-Keepers and
The Million Man March, on the other
end, examples of this? Seems like after our World and Cold Wars we became
insular, private; do we now seek electronic rituals, multimedia churches,
and open-source-code alchemies? Something to think about... and please feel
free to
either comment on this or not; these thoughts occur to me because I enjoy my
NB so much I often just drive around town
at night, listening to music, wandering and pondering...NBAD's more benign
side-effect.
nb's actually look like the mothership
I have the perfect logo -- you take an NB symbol, then superimpose one on it
upside down. You end up with the sharp, elliptical saucer shape formed by
the
intersection of the two large body curves, with four dish antenna formed by
the small wheel well curves.
KTR and Scooter
the role of "punchbuggy" aka "slug bug" aka "punch bug"
aka "pinch bug"
From: Ric Allendorf [sketch@ma.ultranet.com]
| | | Weird human race.
| | Will the mothership understand this Phenomenon
| My guess is...they'll join in! Can you imagine aliens punching each
other with little green bony hands. What a sight!
Scene opens: High decending aerial shot of famous southwestern meteor
crater. From this height, we see a long line of small shining objects
moving in a straight line toward the crater.
Cut to: Ground level view of empty dirt roadway looking straight ahead at
crater's edge. A small Beetle trudges across the calm rust-colored soil.
Suddenly the stillness is broken from a line of Silver Beetles passing the
camera's view. One after the other, they woosh by, fanning out as they near
the crater. In the distance, a silver sphere can be seen descending from a
cirrus-filled sky.
Cut to: Eye-level, the cars approach and line up side by each, stopping at
the crater. Their daytime running lights glisten as a plume of dust drifts
behind them. As the camera pans from right to left, the bright sphere can
be seen reflected in their dark windsheilds.
Cut to: Close up of large sphere gliding to a stand-still in the crater's
center. In the center of the craft, a panel slides open and the silhouettes
of 2 lanky large headed figures are seen shifting in the light. one is
holding what looks to be a binocular sort of tool up to it's eyes.
Move in closer as the alien figure drops it's binocular-like tool, looks to
it's companion and says in a toadish voice, "Slug Bug!", then punches the
other figure in the upper arm. The hurting companion grabs it's upper arm
and looks back out the window with a perplexed and bewildered gaze.
End.
which os does the mothership run on? will it survive y2k and make it
to r2k?
Blue Eyes will be making the trip from Roswell, Georgia through Roswell, NM
this
year, 1999 to California. Since the mothership is not Imac powered, it will
crash
and burn with the rest of the universe on January 1, 2000:) Even if it does
survive, I believe we will all be invited on board. But like in the
commercials, I
think the silvers will just hover and spin in orbit :)
Have a great week,
Mitch
The Ministry of Alien Information is pleased to inform all earthlings that
the Mothership is powered by the Better OS, Linux.
It is not a colorful toy like the Imac, nor is it an sullen beige box like a
Wintel machine, but a powerful, free system for the galaxy, unencumbered by
silly corpo-dictators. The silvers will hover and spin in orbit, in
rejoicing of the arrival.
Owl Berg & Bicho, Communications Vessel Class A, Silver Honor Fleet.
* of course, one cannot actually owna pod of the mothership. humans who
insist on believing otherwise are sadly mistaken.
|
|
